It's a new dawn, it's a new day, it's a new liiiiife (okay not really but it kinda feels like it), and I'm feelin good. The start of a new cycle is always exciting, and has the amazing ability to make you forget that the last cycle was a complete and utter failure and get ready for another chance at the crapshoot that is TTC.
I'm going big guns this time, no messin around. I'm planning a round of Clomid (most likely 50 mg day 3-7), and I'm going to be monitoring follicle size via ultrasound. I think normal protocol is to do the first ultrasound on CD11, and then assess the situation from there. This will allow me to give myself an hCG trigger shot (the brand and dose have yet to be determined) when the follicles are at least 18mm, and then know WITHOUT A DOUBT that I will ovulate 24-48 hours later. I'm planning to trigger and then inseminate 24 and 36 after in hopes of catching that little eggy right on. I am hoping that this will relieve some of the uncertainty and anxiety that tracking ovulation creates, ESPECIALLY since I don't seem to get very clear signs during Clomid cycles.
For some reason this was an exceptionally short cycle, which is not particularly good news as the post ovulation or luteal phase has to be a decent length in order for the egg to have time to implant before your next cycle starts. Lots of women end up with progesterone shots or vaginal suppositories to lengthen that phase and make a nice cushy place for the egg to stick. I'll cross that bridge in a few days I suppose.
I'll be making my Auntie Kristen rounds today to see all the yoga babies and soak up some more of those newborn baby pheromones. If you see a West Texas Amber Alert, you'll know it's me, start preparing the guest room.
Saturday, August 21, 2010
Friday, August 20, 2010
Hip Hip
Hooray! The last yoga baby was born on Wednesday, happy (well, mostly) and healthy. I had two year old duty for 48 hours while Mommy was in the hospital, and it went great! He is super smart, and high energy, so Im pretty pooped, but he was a good boy. I now have the theme song to Mickey Mouse Clubhouse memorized, and yell "OH TOODLES!" when I have a problem I can't solve. :)
The most exciting part about all of this for me is that I'm no longer the only one not pregnant!!!!! AND I'm the *only* one getting any sleep this week!
It's been a longer journey for me than it was for them, and I realize that as in most things, it's more about the journey and what you learn from it, than the destination, but MAN I hate long road trips.
The most exciting part about all of this for me is that I'm no longer the only one not pregnant!!!!! AND I'm the *only* one getting any sleep this week!
It's been a longer journey for me than it was for them, and I realize that as in most things, it's more about the journey and what you learn from it, than the destination, but MAN I hate long road trips.
Tuesday, August 17, 2010
A Wheelbarrow For My Ovaries
Normally reproductive age women ovulate one mature egg, from one ovary every month. Some studies show that women may have one anovulatory cycle per year, but there are not many conclusive statistics to prove this theory. For women having good ole normal sex to try for a bun in their ovens, this situation works out just fine. The bazillion sperm to one egg ratio is alright, and the timing is much easier as fresh sperm can live in a woman's body for pretty much ever (not really, but compared to frozen it seems like it), and timing gets a lot less complicated.
For those of us shooting (pardon the pun...okay not really) for some version of the "turkey baster method", one egg just isn't enough. I've read that success rates for IUI (intrauterine insemination) and ICI (intracervical insemination) can be as low as 6% for unmedicated cycles with just one little eggy. For women/couples spending thousands of dollars per cycle, and waiting months for their BFP (Big fat/freaking/f*#$ing Positive) 6% doesn't cut it.
Enter ovulation stimulating drugs. There are several on the market, some in tablet form, others that require injection into the system. These medications stimulate multiple follicles (the casing that grows the egg in the ovary) so that a woman will release multiple eggs per cycle. Clomid is probably the more widely used specific medication that falls in this group, and happens to be the one I use (not because I necessarily *want* to) . Once you raise the odds a little and have 3 or 4 eggs (or more) released each cycle, the success rates jump up to around 25%. STILL not stunning odds, but certainly better than 6%. Studies suggest, at least with Clomid anyway, your chance of multiples is only raised by 10% (twins) and around 1% (triplets). For most women in my position, this is a risk we are not happy to take, but in my case, after months of natural cycles to no avail, the next necessary step. Contrary to popular belief, drugs like Clomid alone are *not* responsible for Kate Gosselin having a dozen kids and being rude to her husband, or for OctoMom ending up in her ridiculous situation, but they are certainly not without risk.
The side effects for these drugs vary BIGTIME. The most prominent one in the drug literature is multiples (see above), but they also focus a lot on PCOS (polycystic ovarian syndrome). Ovulation stimulating drugs can cause cysts to grow, or new ones to form, so most specialists will order a pelvic ultrasound before and after a course of these medications to check for and monitor ovarian cycts. It can also cause "hostile" (I swear that is the word they use) cervical mucus. For women doing ICI, or even normal intercourse, this can be a big issue as cervical mucus helps the sperm travel, and keeps them safe from the acidic nature of our bodies in their trip through the cervix. Other women complain of headaches, crankiness, fatigue, nausea, etc. Mine are pretty inconsequential, in the grand scheme of things. I get cranky for sure, gain 5 lbs when I'm trying hard not to, and feel like I need wheelbarrows to carry around my ovaries. That last part may very well be in my head, but I definitely feel "fuller". My biggest complaint about Clomid is something that isn't in the books. For some reason it makes my ovulation VERY hard to track. When trying to inseminate within 6 hours of ovulation, this little point becomes HUGE. I normally do *not* get an Lh surge the months I take Clomid, and therefore about half of the cycles I use it, I end up missing ovulation completely and sending back $2000 worth of sperm and wasting $220 on shipping a 22 lb tank clear back to Cali. Since it isn't without risk, this makes for a super frustrating situation.
I *hate* that I cannot have decent odds without medication, wasting eggs, and crappy side effects, but I want a child, of my own, and refuse to settle into societies rules of how that has to happen. Hopefully the benefit will outweigh the risk and I can still be proud of my choices.
For those of us shooting (pardon the pun...okay not really) for some version of the "turkey baster method", one egg just isn't enough. I've read that success rates for IUI (intrauterine insemination) and ICI (intracervical insemination) can be as low as 6% for unmedicated cycles with just one little eggy. For women/couples spending thousands of dollars per cycle, and waiting months for their BFP (Big fat/freaking/f*#$ing Positive) 6% doesn't cut it.
Enter ovulation stimulating drugs. There are several on the market, some in tablet form, others that require injection into the system. These medications stimulate multiple follicles (the casing that grows the egg in the ovary) so that a woman will release multiple eggs per cycle. Clomid is probably the more widely used specific medication that falls in this group, and happens to be the one I use (not because I necessarily *want* to) . Once you raise the odds a little and have 3 or 4 eggs (or more) released each cycle, the success rates jump up to around 25%. STILL not stunning odds, but certainly better than 6%. Studies suggest, at least with Clomid anyway, your chance of multiples is only raised by 10% (twins) and around 1% (triplets). For most women in my position, this is a risk we are not happy to take, but in my case, after months of natural cycles to no avail, the next necessary step. Contrary to popular belief, drugs like Clomid alone are *not* responsible for Kate Gosselin having a dozen kids and being rude to her husband, or for OctoMom ending up in her ridiculous situation, but they are certainly not without risk.
The side effects for these drugs vary BIGTIME. The most prominent one in the drug literature is multiples (see above), but they also focus a lot on PCOS (polycystic ovarian syndrome). Ovulation stimulating drugs can cause cysts to grow, or new ones to form, so most specialists will order a pelvic ultrasound before and after a course of these medications to check for and monitor ovarian cycts. It can also cause "hostile" (I swear that is the word they use) cervical mucus. For women doing ICI, or even normal intercourse, this can be a big issue as cervical mucus helps the sperm travel, and keeps them safe from the acidic nature of our bodies in their trip through the cervix. Other women complain of headaches, crankiness, fatigue, nausea, etc. Mine are pretty inconsequential, in the grand scheme of things. I get cranky for sure, gain 5 lbs when I'm trying hard not to, and feel like I need wheelbarrows to carry around my ovaries. That last part may very well be in my head, but I definitely feel "fuller". My biggest complaint about Clomid is something that isn't in the books. For some reason it makes my ovulation VERY hard to track. When trying to inseminate within 6 hours of ovulation, this little point becomes HUGE. I normally do *not* get an Lh surge the months I take Clomid, and therefore about half of the cycles I use it, I end up missing ovulation completely and sending back $2000 worth of sperm and wasting $220 on shipping a 22 lb tank clear back to Cali. Since it isn't without risk, this makes for a super frustrating situation.
I *hate* that I cannot have decent odds without medication, wasting eggs, and crappy side effects, but I want a child, of my own, and refuse to settle into societies rules of how that has to happen. Hopefully the benefit will outweigh the risk and I can still be proud of my choices.
Sunday, August 15, 2010
Hell Hath No Fury Like A Biological Clock Scorned....
So like I said, yoga baby # 2 was born about lunch time yesterday. I would like the record to state that I totally called it the day before at lunch. She is happy and healthy, and I had a breakdown. The first one was a scheduled c-section, so I was a little prepared for it, but this one was a "oh my goodness is 4 am but I think I'm in labor". It is their first child, and they had a hard time conceiving too.... and I was totally "bitter party of one" all day yesterday.
There have been easier sections, and harder times throughout their pregnancies for me. Hard at first, easier for awhile, hard when they started showing, easier again, almost devastating as they welcome their new little peanuts. I realized that through this whole process I never really prepared myself for the day they would actually *have* their babies because I just KNEW I would be pregnant by then, and it would make it a whole lot easier as I had my own due date too look forward to.
OF COURSE I am happy for them, and so thankful that their babies are healthy, and that the deliveries went well, but I'm so ready for my turn.
The baby I lost would have turned one this week, and while I don't think about it daily anymore, weeks like this are always a little harder to swing my feet over the bed and rise to meet the day.
For those of you that haven't experienced it, I'm sure all of this sounds a little dramatic, but mother nature and women's biological clocks are NO JOKE. Mine is ticking so loudly I can hardly hear myself think.
There have been easier sections, and harder times throughout their pregnancies for me. Hard at first, easier for awhile, hard when they started showing, easier again, almost devastating as they welcome their new little peanuts. I realized that through this whole process I never really prepared myself for the day they would actually *have* their babies because I just KNEW I would be pregnant by then, and it would make it a whole lot easier as I had my own due date too look forward to.
OF COURSE I am happy for them, and so thankful that their babies are healthy, and that the deliveries went well, but I'm so ready for my turn.
The baby I lost would have turned one this week, and while I don't think about it daily anymore, weeks like this are always a little harder to swing my feet over the bed and rise to meet the day.
For those of you that haven't experienced it, I'm sure all of this sounds a little dramatic, but mother nature and women's biological clocks are NO JOKE. Mine is ticking so loudly I can hardly hear myself think.
Friday, August 13, 2010
Baby Girl Pheromones
There are four "yoga girls" that take over El Paso together several times a week, I am one of them. We were all shooting for a bun in our respective ovens last year, and they all got pregnant the same week. No. REALLY. The. same. week. They are all 39 weeks now, and the first little yoga baby was born yesterday. I just knew that I would be shortly behind them, turns out, not so much. I am greatly looking forward to holding little baby Arianna this afternoon, and getting some of those powerful new baby pheromones. Here's hoping I can do it without A) Making a run for it, and B) Bursting into tears.
Wish me luck.
**UPDATE**
No baby snatching, and I didn't even cry. She is tiny, beautiful, precious and makes me even more ready to be in those shoes. I went with my other two *about to pop* pregnant yoga girlfriends, and they were very sensitive. The only downside was the nurse saying "Oh look! You're ALL pregnant!! Oh, well, except you...". Lovely.
**UPDATE #2**
Looks like yoga baby number two is on her way today. It's gonna be a rough week.
Wish me luck.
**UPDATE**
No baby snatching, and I didn't even cry. She is tiny, beautiful, precious and makes me even more ready to be in those shoes. I went with my other two *about to pop* pregnant yoga girlfriends, and they were very sensitive. The only downside was the nurse saying "Oh look! You're ALL pregnant!! Oh, well, except you...". Lovely.
**UPDATE #2**
Looks like yoga baby number two is on her way today. It's gonna be a rough week.
Thursday, August 12, 2010
Thursday Aside
If anyone else tells me they are pregnant this week I will most likely stab them with 67 number 2 pencils.
Wednesday, August 11, 2010
Bitter Disappointment
So while it might seem that tracking ovulation here in 2010 would be an easy task, technological advancements in medicine and everything else are insane these days, so surely someone would have come up with a fool proof method of timing inseminations, or sex even, perfectly for ovulation. Such is not the case as was evident, and not for the first time, this cycle. After weeks of fertility meds, natural remedies, acupuncture, meditation, spitting on things, peeing on things and checking cervical position and mucus, and waking up to a beeping thermometer, I missed my ovulation. Therefore the $2,000 worth of sperm I have sitting in my kitchen will have to pack their little bags and head back to California today. An entire cycle, and $300 shipping wasted.
There are four common ways to track ovulation. Cervical position, cervical mucus, basal body temperature, and Lh surge. Hormone fluxes reign over your entire cycle, and you can tell a lot by what is surging, and falling. Your pituitary gland regulates these various hormones, and the timing of their rising and falling. Immediately before, usually 12-36 hours, ovulation, an Lh surge will be detectable in your urine. These tests are called OPKs, or ovulation predictor kits. They range from cheapy to super expensive, and just wading through the waters of OPKs is like being up to your neck in a quicksand pond full of alligators. Not everyone, every cycle will get a positive OPK. I have NO idea why this happens, but about a third of the time, I get nothing but negatives, yet still ovulate normally. This was one of those cycles.
Lh is first detectable in your saliva, approximately 5 days before your urine. From what I understand it goes saliva, then blood, then urine. So for those of us trying to time the shipping of sperm, this extra notice can be extremely helpful. There is a newish machine on the market that measures your saliva every morning and anticipates your "window of fertility". This machine also has a vaginal wand that provides "ovulation confirmation". This is a jackpot for those of us TTC for multiple reasons. 1) It confirms that you are indeed ovulating, 2) Gives you the ability to track timing after the fact, i.e. okay, we inseminated today, and got ovulation confirmation tonight, so we know we got the timing right this cycle, and 3) It tells you that you can stop peeing on things and have a total breakdown because you missed your window and have to send back your sperm. (as was the case for me this cycle).
Frozen sperm lives anywhere from 8-24 hours once inseminated, so the object is to inseminate as close as possible to ovulation without missing it on either side. Most research indicates that it is virtually impossible to get pregnant by inseminating *after* ovulation, so you always want to err on the side of early.
Since I'm still in breakdown mode, I'll save basal body temperature and cervical mucus and position for another post, go have another huge bucket of coffee, and figure out how to pass the time for the next month.
There are four common ways to track ovulation. Cervical position, cervical mucus, basal body temperature, and Lh surge. Hormone fluxes reign over your entire cycle, and you can tell a lot by what is surging, and falling. Your pituitary gland regulates these various hormones, and the timing of their rising and falling. Immediately before, usually 12-36 hours, ovulation, an Lh surge will be detectable in your urine. These tests are called OPKs, or ovulation predictor kits. They range from cheapy to super expensive, and just wading through the waters of OPKs is like being up to your neck in a quicksand pond full of alligators. Not everyone, every cycle will get a positive OPK. I have NO idea why this happens, but about a third of the time, I get nothing but negatives, yet still ovulate normally. This was one of those cycles.
Lh is first detectable in your saliva, approximately 5 days before your urine. From what I understand it goes saliva, then blood, then urine. So for those of us trying to time the shipping of sperm, this extra notice can be extremely helpful. There is a newish machine on the market that measures your saliva every morning and anticipates your "window of fertility". This machine also has a vaginal wand that provides "ovulation confirmation". This is a jackpot for those of us TTC for multiple reasons. 1) It confirms that you are indeed ovulating, 2) Gives you the ability to track timing after the fact, i.e. okay, we inseminated today, and got ovulation confirmation tonight, so we know we got the timing right this cycle, and 3) It tells you that you can stop peeing on things and have a total breakdown because you missed your window and have to send back your sperm. (as was the case for me this cycle).
Frozen sperm lives anywhere from 8-24 hours once inseminated, so the object is to inseminate as close as possible to ovulation without missing it on either side. Most research indicates that it is virtually impossible to get pregnant by inseminating *after* ovulation, so you always want to err on the side of early.
Since I'm still in breakdown mode, I'll save basal body temperature and cervical mucus and position for another post, go have another huge bucket of coffee, and figure out how to pass the time for the next month.
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