Monday, September 20, 2010

Things NOT to Say to People Trying to Conceive

Not because some of these things aren't valid points, but because they are hard to hear/annoying/upsetting to folks struggling with infertility. 

1. Just stop trying, It WILL HAPPEN! 
(Trust me, unless we are expecting me to have the next miraculous conception, IT WON'T HAPPEN.)

2. When it's God's will....
(and when it's God's will can the house be clean? Will the lawn be mowed? Will we win the lotto? Can I just sit around and wait in the meantime?)

3. When it's meant to be, it will be.
(Yeah, que sera sera, once again, should we just sit around and wait?)

4. Maybe it's just not meant to be?
(Wow. Thanks. Because you know, my hope isn't fragile enough already.     *now where did I put that butter knife....*)

5. Oh, that's too bad! Gosh, it wasn't hard for us at all! We have more kids than we know what to do with!
(While I'm super glad you didn't struggle like this, don't rub it in asshole)

6. You must not be doing something right. 
(Stop. It.)

7.  You need to gain ten pounds to get pregnant.
(Because I could lose weight if I tried with all of these fertility drugs....)

8. FERTILITY DRUGS!?! You are going to end up like that Octomom!!
(No one has offered me $500,000.00 for a one hour porn flick, so no, I'm     not Octomom)

9. Maybe you should wait awhile, take some time off?
(Every single day is a wait, every cycle is an eternity, and my biological clock is ticking so loudly I can't hear myself think)

10. Take my two year old for a day and you'll change your mind about     wanting kids!
(Be. Grateful.)

11. I *hate* being pregnant, I'm so fat, blah blah. Oh this newborn stuff      is for the birds, I'm so tired, all they do is eat, poop, and cry blah blah.
(While these are valid complaints, issues, struggles, it's not something that TTC women/couples want or need to hear. They would trade places with you in a heartbeat, plus it could possibly make them stabby)

Of course there are exceptions, and most anything you say, if you are genuinely trying to be helpful and supportive, will be appreciated, but mostly we just need encouragement, support, and understanding. 


  1. A-frickin-men.

    My personal favorite? "Just don't be so stressed." Oh, okay. Because this is all about stress and relaxation. My eggs in there need to listen to Enya and have little tiny masseuses to have little tiny massages. Then, then they will be able to be fertilized.

    Got it.

  2. BWUAHAHAHAAHAHAHAAAA "my eggs in there need to listen to Enya" well played, well played.

  3. I still say you can have my eggos. No one else is gonna want em! And if i was a guy, I'd totally be your baby daddy donor. But alas, no sperm here. You know I've got the fingers and toes crossed for you though <3

  4. I just found your site, and I have to say I like your style and sense of humor! I just got the #1 comment the other day "Just stop trying and LET it happen" I love your response....I'll have to carefully implement that. Though it's partially my fault for blabbing to a practical stranger that I was TTC. Why is it everyone (parent or not) feels they are an authority on how to conceive?? Even if they haven't tried!!!

    Sorry, didn't mean to turn this into my own vent. Just wanted to say I like your site and will be adding it to my followed list!!