Thursday, September 30, 2010

The Point. *Insert Jaws Theme*

Just home from sunny Key West. Vacation was mostly a success and it made this "off" cycle go by pretty quickly.

I sure wish I had been able to avoid the Clomid "holy moly it's like I'm gaining weight just siting here" experience.  My bikini didn't look like it belonged, but I drowned my sorrows in oysters and vodka. ::it worked::

I'm having an unanticipated reaction from the hCG trigger shot (I think). I've developed a bunch of really prominent dark spots/freckles on my hands, that (of course) are getting worse in the sun. After I miscarried I had a really dark patch on my upper lip (lovely) that fades if I stay out of the sun, but still gets really dark without sunscreen. I'm a little surprised that one short dose of hCG would do this....but there isn't any other explanation.

I snorkeled, and realized that I am a huge chicken shit. I was afraid of *everything*. Like full on panic attack afraid *and this was before the talk of octopus and sting rays and sharks*. I wasn't a scaredy cat kiddo, but the older I get, the more afraid I am of all sorts of stuff. (maybe I'm just getting smarter)

I didn't like anything about being dropped off as shark bait in the middle of the flipping ocean. It didn't matter one bit that thousands of kids swim, snorkel, SCUBA, and generally run amuck there all year... I. Was. Terrified. Nobody else on the boat was afraid, they were jumping in chasing fish with nets, diving down to get a closer look at the sea floor, and venturing into the Mangroves for more adventure. I was swimming in a tiny little circle in five feet deep water trying to think happy thoughts.

The Point: I hope I can keep myself together enough to not breed scaredy cats. I don't want my kids to be afraid, I want them to seek out knowledge and adventure without being paralyzed by "what ifs". Of course, I think is necessary to have a healthy fear of situations that can be dangerous (i.e. the ocean and it's inhabitants) but I don't want my kids to miss out on amazing things because they were too afraid to try something new. I did see one *HUMONGOUS* barracuda that no one else did (I swear, I SWEAR), and lots of smaller ones, but I was mostly thinking of swarms of jellyfish, viscous sting rays, electric eels as big as me, and lion-fish....lots and lots of lion-fish *with the jaws theme playing in the background of my feeble little brain*.

I want my children to be the ones running around like little crazy people to SEE more, DO more, and BE more.


  1. Don't worry, sweets.

    Kids have NO fear. Even when you want them to have a healthy dose. Like running out into the street... or standing at the edge of a swimming pool when you're 15 feet away.

    You can teach them to respect what should be feared... hopefully without making them terrified in the process. (I'm afraid of bees, but I don't want my kids to be.) We'll see how that works out :)

  2. It seems like such a delicate line. I'm afraid I'm going to adore them SO much that I'll be even *more* afraid of danger (Will Robinson). I guess like anything else all we can do is our best....